Out of My Hands
by Valerie21Malfoy
Summary: Bella has never had any control over what happens in her life, and has always deferred to her parents judgements, especially now that it is time to get married. What will come of her parents decisions for her? AU, AH. Drabble chapters. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

I walked into the meeting room, my head bowed and my gaze cast to the floor like I was always taught. I was the picture of utmost respect, something my parents took great pride in. Granted I was the only child after all, so my mother had all the time in the world to make sure I grew up to be a knowledgable, respectful, and most importantly an obedient wife and mother.

I took my seat in the front of the room, knowing full well I would be on display for the duration of the session, and waiting patiently for it to begin. Today was the day my father and the elder council would decide who I would marry. At eighteen years old, I was considered of prime marrying age; my father had been somewhat reluctant, in the days leading up to my birthday, to put me up in front of the council. However, my mother managed to convince him I was more than ready.

She sat next to me on the hard wooden bench. In an instant she began to fuss over the placement of the white bonnet that sat upon my chesnut hair, pulling it forward slightly, unnecessarily.

I was forced to keep my head down in respect for her authority over me, even though all I wanted to do was bat her hands away. I knew she was nervous and liked to take her nerves out on nitpicking at me, but I was nervous too! This was the rest of my life on the line, the end of my time in my parents home. The dark oak doors began to creak open and eight dark clothed men began to file into the room. My mother and I stood, bowing our heads deeply and folding our hands together in respect for the men who decided everything in the community.

Here goes nothing. It was all out of my hands now.

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A/N: Well I'm back. This story will be in drabble form, because going into my junior year at University, this is the only format that I can handle without becoming overwhelmed with the rest of my coursework, or losing my muse like I have in the past. I hope you all forgive me for my huge hiatus. I will try not to post such long A/Ns in subsequent chapters.

That being said, what do you all think is going on so far?


	2. Chapter 2

Once the elder men and my father were in the room, the doors were locked. They would not open again until a decision was made. Thankfully, these kinds of meetings were exceptionally quick. Though maybe I am not thankful for that after all, considering my life, and dare I say my happiness, are all on the line here. I know it is selfish to think of my happiness before the well-being of my community and family but I do not think I can help it anymore.

"Today, we will discuss the matching of Isabella Schwann, to an eligible member of the community," the head of the council, Mr. Miller, began. I did not want to listen to them talk about me like I was not in the room, so I tried to tune them out.

I kept my eyes plastered to the ground, but I did not see the patterns in the dark hardwood. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been very good at tuning out the world around me. It always came in handy every week in church. I would just go off into my own world, imagining the unimaginable.

I smiled softly to myself as my field of vision turned bronze. Maybe luck would be on my side, maybe he was eligible for marriage too. Out of all the boys I grew up with, he would be the only would I could bear to spend the foreseeable future with.

My cheeks flushed as I thought about a few bronze-haired little ones helping me out in the house or running around in the fields, and sitting on the porch holding his hand, watching it all unfold in front of us. _Dear God, please, let me marry someone as kind as Edward Maurer…Let it be him, please. Amen._

I knew it was a selfish thing to ask of Him, what with the medical problems that the Troyer's were going through, but for once, I allowed myself to be selfish in my own prayers. I was allowed to ask for happiness in my own life, as long as I was not hurting anyone else.

I caught the sudden movement of Mr. Miller in the corner of my eye and it shook me from my musings. I looked up as he once more got to his feet. I knew what that meant and held my breath as I waited for my sentence to be handed down to me.

"Then it is decided, Isabella will be married to James Schwartz, to take place in one month's time. Thank you Mr. Schwann for your time today," he shook my father's hand before he filed out, followed by the other seven council members.

But I could hardly breathe. I fought so hard to control my emotions, the way I was taught, but it was almost too much.

Now, my life was utterly and completely out of my hands for good.

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 **A/N: Chapters may get a big longer depending on the mood. Any thoughts of what's going on? Also, I have translated last names into German to fit the genre of this story.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Isabella, you need to help me with dinner!" my mother yelled from across the kitchen, throwing a hand towel across the table to rouse me from my thoughts. I looked up at her, staring straight into her eyes, trying to convey the sadness I felt and that I just needed another moment.

It had almost two days since I was handed my life sentence to become the future Mrs. James Schwartz. I could still hardly wrap my head around the thought. James is seven years my senior, and while that is not that big of an age difference in the community as a whole, it still did not sit well with me. Besides, I always got a bad feeling whenever I was in close quarters with him.

The way he stares at me, and any other girl like he could see right through our dresses, always left me feeling like someone was pouring ice cold water over my head. And now I have to be married to him? Share a bed with him? Cook and clean for him? Have _babies_ with him? It was all a lot to take in, in such a small amount of time. A person needs time to sort through these kinds of things. I just needed some time to think and to feel and to react to the situation!

Surely my mother should understand the way that I was feeling right now? Surely she could understand that maybe I was feeling a little bit hurt that my own father did not fight for a better match for me. The world as I knew it was coming to a dramatic end, and I was supposed to just prepare dinner like nothing was happening?

But of course, I stood up, brushed off my apron and got to work, like a good little Amish girl should. I was not happy, but I could not show it. I could never show it. I am so afraid, but my parents can never know. Now I can only cry on the inside, while I smile on the outside.

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A/N: A chapter every day keeps writer's block at bay. SO now the whole setting and premise of the story have been revealed! I know y'all are reading and being super quiet but if you have a second please drop me a line and let me know what you think!

The next few days might be iffy with my posting schedule as I will be out of town and away from my computer but I will at least write and post when I'm back on campus! Thanks for reading!

V21M


	4. Chapter 4

I tried not to flinch as a hand brushed against my thigh from under the table. The slightly rough texture of my cotton dress felt wrong as it was pressed against my skin. It was not right for him to be doing such a thing when our families were together in such an intimate setting.

Tonight marks one week until my impending nuptials to the man seated beside me, staring at me like I was already his. His mother was seated besides me, serving food to her younger ones, the other five Schwarz children, Mr. Schwartz and my parents all around us. How could he think doing something like that was even remotely appropriate for such a setting?

As much as the impropriety bothered me about my betrothed, it scared me even more. If this was the way he was behaving now, with family present, how would he treat me when I was legally his property? Even though my father was no help to me now when he had no idea what was happening under his very nose, he surely would not be able to help me once I'm married, even if he did know what might happen to me.

I tried to take a drink of water to soothe my frayed nerves, but as the glass touched my lips I felt my dress start to bunch up, and his hot, calloused fingers begin to stroke my leg above my stocking. The feeling was a shock to my system, and I could not help but inhale the water I was meant to drink.

"Are you alright Isabella?" my intended asked me, looking concerned as I coughed away, and handed me a napkin, that I might cover my mouth. I grabbed it quickly to appease him.

As soon as I got my breathing back under control, I pulled the napkin away and nodded my head curtly, "Thank you James, I appreciate your concern for me..." The words did not feel right as they left my mouth, but I did not want to test whether or not he had a temper by not being polite.

In that moment, I decided I would do whatever I had to do to keep myself safe, since now I was the only one who could do it. I would never do a thing to make him raise his voice to me, or God forbid, raise his hand. I would be the picture of the perfect Amish wife, and keep his home clean, and dinner on the table when he came in each night. He would never get a reason to hurt me, at least not from me.

This would be the one thing in my control.

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A/N: Well I was able to post another chapter so yay! I'm really liking that I've decided to write each chapter as a drabble because so far it has really kept my motivated to keep writing since it's all in such little chunks.

So how are y'all enjoying the story so far? Is Bella going to end up getting married to James? We'll see in the next chapter I think ;)

~V21M


	5. Chapter 5

Today is the day. As I stand in front of the old mirror in my mother's bedroom, taking in each hem on my sky blue bridal dress, I cannot help but continue to wish things had been different for me.

I wished that my family belonged to a different sect of the church. I have a cousin a state over who got to choose her husband, and he her. Why did I have to grow up in a community that takes the decision away from us? I mean, I was baptized at sixteen like all the rest; I am a full member of the church. How can I not have been allowed to choose my partner?

When I was a little girl, I went to town with my mother. We went into a store so my mother could buy fabric, but we went down an aisle full of books. Now for me, that was magical, because the only books I ever got to see were the Bible and the Ordnung. Mother even let me pick one out.

It was a little book but I treasured it. When I learned to read I savored every word. I always wanted to be like the girl in the book—marry an amazing man during the wedding of my dreams, and live happily ever after. Now, even then I knew I could never have a wedding like the girl in the book, it just wasn't done in the church, but I at least wanted the man.

But now, now I would not get a single thing. Not the wedding, not the man, and definitely not the happily ever after. I guess I will just have to get over it all, and deal with my life as it comes now.

Taking a deep breath, I donned the black prayer shawl over my usual white cap, then bowed my head for a quick prayer for a miracle. Then, knowing I had no other options, I left the room to meet my parents on the porch.

My good friend, Alice would be my only newehocker during the ceremony. I did not have very many other friends beside her, but it did not bother me. She would already be waiting at the church, like my…fiancé and his family.

"There you are Bella, I thought you were going to make us late," my mother chided me as she looked me over, then straightened my apron, finding fault as she always seemed to do.

"I'm sorry mother," I responded softly, letting her do as she pleased. I'm sure she was stressed; after all, we spent all of yesterday cooking for the banquet tonight, and then there was the business of hosting.

"Let us go then," suggested my father, putting his black felt hat on his head.

And with that we left the house, ending my life as I knew it. By the end of this day I would be Mrs. James Schwartz.

I was terrified.

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 **A/N: Hey all! Sorry for the long interlude in postings, but real life got hectic for me the last week or so! But I'm back to it and anticipate posting again in the next couple of days! So stay tuned! And if you could, leave me a review and let me know what you think so far! I have a twist coming so I'd love to hear what y'all are thinking! PS:**

 **The next chapter is going to be intense, possibly M rated for a number of reasons so... ;) check back often!**


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